18/30: Charitable

Looking to help out

anyone that needs broken

old or unwanted

Created by taking Chrystal Kamplain’s words out of context

17/30: Unemployed After a Human Stole My Job

My pockets are all filling up with rust.

My shoes leak motor oil now,

in diamond-patterned prints,

dark honey-brown.

My toenail polish chips.

At night I hear my eyeballs creak,

dried out from all the kerosene I found

sloshing in the silver gallon.

My hissing static dreams,

in black and white,

are a midweek midday

lineup of soaps, game shows, sitcoms.

Sometimes I rouse myself enough to tweak

my wilting wire antenna.

Most nights I let it play;

nothing else on.

9/30: Alumni Employment Services

The trick is

to make the utmost effort  to be early

but not too early, because then it looks like

you’re trying too hard. Shoes are very important

in an interview. Your shoes

should practically take the interview for you.

The trick is

to maximize profit and minimize risk.

Line up your investors before you have a product.

Get pre-approved for loans, mortgages, heaven.

Have Melinda Gates bound in your garage as escrow.

The trick is

to build an online persona for yourself

that’s witty and polished and shows no nipples.

Be sure to spiff up your profiles

from time to time so they can look nice

for the NSA and your potential employer.

They liked your shoes in the interview;

it would be a shame to mess that up now.